Don't ask don't tell at work?

Stumbled across this while surfing the other day... LOVE IT. I don't know the sexuality of this guy so I am not going to make assumptions... I will let y'all do that for yourselves.

Found this online and Laughed My Ass Off... so I thought I would share

Dear Carl,

Last weekend I was at Larry's Pistol & Pawn looking for a little something special for my wife, Renee. I came across a 100,000-volt pocket taser. Its disabling effect on an assailant was described as short-lived, with no long-term consequences, but would allow my wife--who would never consider a gun--adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL!!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed, but then I read (yes, I read the instructions) that if I pressed the taser against a metal surface and pushed the button at the same time, I'd see a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs, to verify that it was working.

Awesome!!!

I have yet to explain to Renee that new burn spot on the face of her microwave.

There I was, home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? I sat there in my recliner, reading the directions, my cat Gracie looking on intently. Trusting little soul. I got to thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second. She is such a sweet cat, but if I was going to give this device to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So there I sat in shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant, a two-second burst would cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control, and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. A burst longer than three seconds would be a waste of batteries.

I'm sitting there alone, with Gracie looking on, her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'Don't do it.' But I was reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up from my recliner, and body slammed us both onto the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, tingling legs, nipples on fire, and testicles nowhere to be found.

SON-OF-A... That Hurt Like HELL!

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, you should know that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that taser until it is dislodged from your hand by your involuntary violent thrashing about on the floor.

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was relative at that point) I collected what wits I had left, sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there? My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it was shot up with Novocaine. My bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. And I'm still looking for my testicles!!

I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,

Jacob

Green Products

So for those of you who don't know I am a bit of a green freak. As much as my environment will allow that is. Well anyway I was reading through one of my favorite blogs, www.thedieline.com, and I came across one of the coolest new green products I have seen in a while. Check it out! 

This is super cool, A perfect gift for an upcoming birthday or earthday. Feel free to send me one!

Earth Hour

So on March 28th at 8:30pm all of us tree huggin, green folk are asking to help give our power grids a break by turning off all sources of power for just one hour. I participated in this last year with my flatmates at 560 Powell and I am planning on being a part of it again this year. So to recap March 28th 8:30pm cut it off, throw the circuit breaker if you must what ever you have to do but lets give our grids and our mama earth a break. Come on, it is only an hour, light a candle, or better yet take a candle lit bath, or a nap or whatever. Get one of those wind up flashlights if you simply CANNOT live without light for one freaking hour but I don't wanna hear any excuses for not participating. What ever it is you gotta do just do it!

For more info check out www.earthhour.org

Be a part of the solution... Spread this message, spread it like Herpes!

Fat Kid Update

Here is an update of the Fat Kid... Still working but getting closer!

FAT KID

So I am currently putting together a new series of graphic T's for my Cafepress website (www.cafepress.com/thomasray) This is the first that will be in the FatKid series which will be Available for one month on my site... after that it will be replaced by my next series so get your goods while you can!!

More on tolerance.

Ok so I was re-reading my "in defense of the h8" blog and I realized that it wasn't super concise. More than anything it was me "verbally" vomiting my thoughts but it didn't convey the actual message that I wanted to get across. I found a fellow blogger out there in the blogosphere that has discussed the prop8 situation and while I maintain that he kept an excellent level of neutrality though as I was reading through the lines I understood him to be in support of prop8. This was slightly surprising to me considering that the entire premise of his blog was how to be both gay and Mormon or as he has dubbed it a "MoHo". I try really hard to view any issue, no matter how mundane, from as many different viewpoints as possible. I enjoy having a civil discussion with people on as many sides of whatever fence is being discussed. I find that it helps me to make the most informed and logical decision I am capable of. Ultimately the message that I started out to convey was one of tolerance and understanding. Instead I just got frustrated and puked up some of my anger towards the situation so let me try this again. If you are sick of this topic then just stop reading but until I am satisfied I will continue to discuss it.

Hate Speech:

      Both sides are guilty of this behavior. While it is true the religious have had more than a few nasty, vile and repulsive comments to make about gay folk, the gay community has also been guilty of such intolerable behaviors. Piss and vinegar does nothing but fuel the flames of intolerance. Shouting derogatory comments, posting them on your blog, even thinking them does not increase your ability to be tolerant nor does it sway more converts to your personal beliefs. It does however alienate and send the wrong message to the fence sitters and neutral parties. So enough with the hate speech. Quit accusing the other side of drinking the haterade as well. We are both guilty of it so lets knock it off and move on to more pressing issues. 

Assumptions and stereotypes:

   Mormon's don't practice polygamy any more than gays are child molesters. While in both cases there have been instances of both events, usually by someone who isn't stable to begin with, this is however NOT the norm for either party. So lets stop with the false accusations and finger pointing. We all have the occasional embarrassment in our respective groups that we would all just assume forget about so enough already. The Christian right have more than their fair share of zealots who really have sullied their reputation but lets face it guy so do the gays. Unless we have been a part of, or still hold a membership card to the group we are criticizing we have no right to assume what we have been told about said group is true. 

Stereotypes make about as much sense as one-size fits all pants. While yes the basic structure is grounded in truth. the blanket statements about any group of people is absurd and irrelevant. There are exceptions to every rule and there are even exceptions to the exceptions. Stereotypes keep us from really getting to know an individual because we will have preconceived  ideas based on who this person is without having made the effort to discover the validity of these claims. It really is a lazy and ineffective way to classify people. 

In addition, making a statement based on a stereotype clearly illustrates ones own ignorance on the subject. Anyone who has taken the time to look past a stereotype and learn the true nature of the subject will be painfully aware that you do not have a full understanding of the topic at hand.  

Standing firm in your beliefs:

OK people we are up against a rock and a hard place here. The religious right believes that

the are perfectly within their right to vote laws into effect based on their moral principles.

The gay folk believe that they are entitled to the same rights and privileges as anyone else.

These are the core beliefs on both sides of the fence and they are held to with ferocity. The issue

however is that neither side is willing to listen to and understand what the other is saying. Nor is either side willing to compromise, and why should they have to? They believe they are right.

Christians and other religious people believe that they have a full and complete understanding 

of right and wrong based on the brand of religion they choose to believe. The kicker is that they

also believe that if you do not subscribe to their belief system then you are clearly in the wrong

and should not be granted your opinion.

The GLBT/TS community believe that as active members of society, tax payers, fellow human

beings, they are entitled to the same benefits as anyone else. It makes perfect sense that a group

of individuals who play just as active a roll as everyone else in their community be allowed to 

have equal membership in the club.

The only thing we are left with is a power struggle. It is so very important to remember

that not everyone believes the same things. It is wrong and absurd to think for even one

moment that your views on the world are the same as your neighbors and therefore just as

absurd to expect someone with an opposing viewpoint to just accept your views and keep theirs

to themselves.

Understanding:

Don't yuck my yumm just say wow. This to me is the perfect example of how we should

live. Instead of seeing something different from YOUR norm and immediately rejecting it,

just consider it, try to understand it and if it still isn't your thing then just accept that it is

someone's. I personally don't enjoy fish, others however LOVE it. I don't tell them they are

wrong, disgusting or perverted for liking it, it just isn't my flavor. We would all do well to

remember this little saying when faced with something new.

Ultimately what I am trying to say is lets ease up on one another and start learning from one

another. We all could learn so much from one another that may even help us to see beyond

our selfish selves. So in closing Gays, lets try to understand where the religious folks are 

coming from and Christians,we should do the same. We have both been kinda mean to one 

another and it isn't accomplishing anything more than hurt feelings and verbal attacks on ones

character.

Christians will do well to remember that the gays are not gonna take it lying down so I hope

you have prepared for a fight. Things are going to get very ugly for you but in my opinion you 

kinda jumped into this fire without considering how hot it could get.

Gays this battle is going to get ugly for you too! While I personally believe that everyone in this

country should have equal rights it isn't going to happen overnight. It can take time for people

to get used to change.

Regardless of where you stand on this issue before you take a side really consider not just your moral stance but also your reasoning behind it. If you don't want gays to marry you need to be able to justify it far beyond "cause the bible/church/prophet/pastor etc" says it is wrong. To deny a people a civil right is to say that it is harmful and dangerous and if that is the case then should anyone really be allowed to have such a right?